One of my favorite hymns has always been “Trust and Obey". The message of the song is truly simple and yet so hard to actually live out.
When Hero first revealed to me that he was unsure of his salvation, as I've said before, you could have knocked me over with a feather. I believe the first words out of my mouth were something along the lines of, “Why have you never told me this before?” Hero said he had only told one other person before- a pastor who basically told him, “Don't worry about it kid, you're saved”; Hero also said that he was afraid that if he had told me I would not have married him.
As soon as his words registered in my brain, I began to rejoice. I hadn't had to make the heart- wrenching decision to let go of him until he had worked out his relationship with God! I had made a commitment and my path was clear: trust and obey. God knew what He was doing when He called me to be Hero's wife, and I was part of His plan to bring Hero back to Him.
Very few weeks after Hero opened up to me about his struggles with his spiritual life, he told me he was seriously thinking about joining the military reserves. No, he didn't ask my opinion, and being a very young bride, I didn't know how to let him know what I felt about his new plan. So, I prayed... only... well, I had the worst attitude as I prayed.
I pretty much marched into the Throne Room of God, stomped my little foot, and demanded that He show Hero how ridiculous his new plan was. Yes, I know, way to play the part of the Godly wife. I carried on this way- demanding my own way- for about a month.
As Hero went off to take all the necessary tests and sign all the paperwork to enter this wonderful world of Military life, I stayed home; I had to work. In reality I had refused to try to get out of my work shift. The night that Hero passed all the tests, he excitedly called me to give me the great news. He was so excited that he didn't notice I wasn't excited with him.
That night I couldn't pray; I was so upset! I got out my Bible and started reading. I honestly don't remember the passage or even the exact words that I read, but what I did read affected me profoundly. God's Word revealed to me the sin in my heart, the selfishness, the pride as I demanded my own way from Almighty God. I had one of those unique and glorious experiences of truly repenting and finding myself literally face first, flat on the ground before a Holy God.
It was then that God spoke to my heart, not in audible words, but clearly enough to know what He said. He told me that Hero was His servant BEFORE he was my husband. I realized that if I continued with this attitude throughout our marriage, I would be standing directly in the way of where God wanted to lead Hero.
So many times throughout our married life I have been reminded of that night; I keep needing to remember to get out of the way, so that God can work and lead our family as He wills. Even though Hero has since made sure of his salvation and been walking with God, I still forget to simply trust and obey.
As Hero is deployed, I still need that lesson every now and then. Even though Hero has been victorious over his struggle with porn, I am still at times seized with fear over that very issue. Hero has been proving himself trustworthy throughout these past months, even though the porn is readily accessible. Perhaps even more significant than the fact that he is proving himself, is the fact that I simply need to let go of the fear, and trust and obey. God is at work in Hero's life- that is very evident. The path that God is leading us down is full of hardships, and adventure, rejoicing, peace and love- if only I can learn to trust and obey.